I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
