fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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