He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Success! We fucked roommates!
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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