no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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