She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
