I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
