I think my fart just growled at me.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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