it's too hot outside to masturbate.
he thought i was a dude.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Randomize
