9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
