Have you finally orgasmed yet?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
