I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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