I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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