I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Randomize
