I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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