Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
