Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
