well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
