I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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