Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Randomize
