I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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