yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Someone came in the potted fern
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
