why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I still have a little drunk in my system
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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