Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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