party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
