Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
You took a bar mat shot.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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