my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
