He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
