Only a mothe r could love this liver
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
