I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
operation have a gay friend backfired
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
