Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
