Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
