We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
