Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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