this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize