My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Houston, we have a blender
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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