So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
