i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
