Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
