Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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