yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
