He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
