he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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