Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
