It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
