matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize