You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
