Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
