I wish I could teleport
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Randomize
