I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm both gender and math confused
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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