It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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