So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
