Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
