You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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