You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
We got so high we made milksteak
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
