Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
