My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
