Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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