better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
