my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
