Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
