I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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