i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
