the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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