Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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